31.1: The Only Living Dan in New York

Dan recently celebrated a birthday, which he refers to as “the saddest day of the year.” If you see a gaunt, haunted man staring blankly out a Brooklyn window in February, odds are that’s Dan. Do us a favor Dan, and dial nine whine whine, ’cause that’s the number for the waaaambulance, you know what I’m saying? I considered naming this episode “Dan Wakes Up Weeping.”

If all that doesn’t sound appealing, we also we compare nosebleed stories. Enjoy!

Music Credits:

Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

Octopussy” by Juanitos

Lost Children” by Post Human Era

Cherry Dump Cake” by half cocked

Dizzy ke Peeche” by Martinibomb

Blood On Your Face” by OBN IIIs

I Made Out by Love Story” In Blood Red

30: Bad Mood Edition

This episode was recorded the day of the Women’s March, which already seems like sepia-toned ancient history. Even then, a mere twenty-four hours into our nation’s current horror, we were already too outrage-fatigued to notice that Executive Branch necromancers had animated the wretched corpse of Lee Greenwood with dark magics. Why isn’t it more of a scandal that Jeff Sessions is clearly an undead sorcerer of some kind?

In other news: Dan fights the timber wolves of Quebec, Brian sympathizes with a skinhead acquaintance from high school, and Fed doesn’t think cats should vape. We’ll be honest America, this one gets a little weird.

Music Credits:

Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

Octopussy” by Juanitos

Resiste!” by el zombi flash

Pussy Footin” by Rye Coalition

Fuck This Fucking Bullshit (PHIKTION REMIXX)” by Pot-C

Back Stairs” by Podington Bear

Bad Dog” by Bad Ronald

Quebec” by Don Bikoff

High On Desire (French version)” by Sky Parade

Sad French Accordion” by Dana Boulé

29.2: Chris Gaines Ruined America

November and December lasted five years each. Halloween was a lifetime ago. The calendar is crawling. Did it feel this way between Bush’s election and inauguration? I can’t remember.

It’s finally January, the slowest and foulest four weeks of the year, in which that New Year’s fresh perspective dissolves in an acid bath of seasonal affective disorder. And that’s in a normal, non-apocalyptic year. The inauguration is in a week.

This first episode of 2017 features the fellows discussing the music and movies of the late 1980s. Is it not comforting that if nothing else, as all our other institutions crumble around us, the three dudes of Dan Wakes Up Screaming are still going on about things that happened to them when they were eleven?

Music Credits:

Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

Octopussy” by Juanitos

Crystal Mace” by Waylon Thornton and the Heavy Hands

Sultry Space Showers” by BLEO

Sunny Morning Exercise Club” by Origami Repetika

29.1: Dan Cancels Christmas

I haven’t heard from Dan since the news broke about George Michael. I’m picturing him alone somewhere in a sequined motorcycle jacket over a bare chest, sitting on a stool in a dark room under a spotlight, weeping softly as he ignores all my texts. Also I just heard that Carrie Fisher is dead too. And our new president doesn’t think we have enough nuclear weapons. The Holidays are cancelled, everybody. We don’t deserve it this year. Let’s all just sit at home and think about what we did.

And now that I’m done yelling at you, would you mind rating us on iTunes?

Music Credits:

Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

Octopussy” by Juanitos

New Years Party by Toptygin (live)” by Kim & Buran

New Year’s Eve” by Silence Is Sexy

Losing Over Christmas” by Greg Atkinson

Hellidays (b/w Christmas in Hollis)” by The Impossebulls

Too Far Gone” by Ryan Little

Holiday” by Dave Depper

Ghosts From Hell In The Year 1972” by Lucas Perný & Miroslav Kollar

28: We Are Hippies Now

This episode was recorded two weeks after the election. We were having a contest to see who could be the most hopeless dude in the room, and it was pretty much a four way tie if you count Griffin.

Fortunately for the listener, Dan had the good sense to cut out most of our talk of panic and revulsion, which you’ve probably heard enough of recently. We tried to be funny, and for the most part it worked out. Fed improvised a character, Dan discussed the dandruff commercials of the 1980s, Brian wondered aloud if he could use the election as an excuse to take up smoking again.

Anyway, we are thinking about dropping out of human society and becoming hippies, so drop us a line if you want to reserve a bunkhouse in our commune.

In closing, happy holidays! Also fuck Donald Trump in his fat stupid face.

Music Credits:

Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

Octopussy” by Juanitos

Mr Trumpet” by Ketsa

I Cannot Describe My Happiness” by Paneye

Coping With Shed Fires” by Ca$h4otterz

Jambox of Culture” by Dyslexic Fudgicle

The Walls Ate My Sister’s Dog” by BlunderBox

And Now We Stand Against The Wall” by Garmisch

Wall of Dumb” by Higgins

27: The Fiftieth Episode Spectacular

In October of 2013, three men sat down in a booth at Halyard’s Bar and turned on a microphone. American culture was changed forever that night, even if America hasn’t quite realized it yet.

This is the fiftieth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming. That may not sound like a lot of output for three years, but as all the Screamers know, this bespoke, handcrafted audio is not like other podcasts. Dan carefully crafts each episode out of the fart noises and muttered slurs that we give him, week after week, to produce something magical. They say you can’t polish a turd, but Dan has done just that fifty times.

Please, for the love of God, like us on Facebook and rate us on iTunes. What are you doing, waiting for the 100th episode?

Music Credits:

Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

Octopussy” by Juanitos

Donald Trump is Wrong” (Tetration Remix)

Dictionary (Kurser)” by K. Sparks

Renewed Rivalry Vibrato” by Trans Atlantic Rage

THINGAMAJIG” by Jason Shaw

MOUNTAIN SUN” by Jason Shaw